Number Ten

I am about to make some of you (mainly one of my best friends, Meg) sick. But I am willing to accept the consequences because, hey, its a week from Valentine's Day and I am feeling the love. I know some people despise this holiday and say it is a holiday manufactured by card companies. I don't think thats a wrong statement. But come on. A holiday in the middle of the dreariest time of the year? A holiday that results in boxes of candy, stuffed animals, flowers, or jewelry? (By the way, any of those options are acceptable to me, boyfriend.) A holiday that is represented by pink and red? Yes, please. Anyway, I am really wanting to blog about love. Not just romantic love, but about loving my friends, loving God, and loving when its hard to love. Honestly, sometimes it is really hard for me to love and to trust. When its hard to trust, its hard to love. But it's also a vicious cycle... because when you love someone a lot and you get hurt, its hard to trust. So it seems like there is two options: 1. Love and trust and expose yourself to potential pain or 2. Avoid potential pain and do not trust or love. I've gone through both scenarios... with the same person. I loved them. They hurt me. I decided to stop loving them, stop talking to them, stop giving them the opportunity to hurt me. Do you want to know how long that lasted? A week, at the most. After that, I realized that I still loved them and I wanted to love them. I didn't want to be miserable and I wanted to stop making them miserable too. So I forgave, I trusted again, I loved again. And even though I know that I am opening up myself to more hurt... it's worth it. It's so worth it. The love that I get from that person is love that I would never be able to get from anyone else.
It's an everyday process. Everyday I have to decide to trust and love. Everyday I feel a little bit of fear that I may be hurt because I am still recovering from the pain I have felt before. But everyday, I feel a little bit better. I am exposed to more and more people that prove to me that love exists. Real love. True love.