Number Eleven

Humbled: to lower in condition, importance, or dignity; to make meek.

I've never fully understood the word humble or the way people use it. People say they are humbled when they receive an award or honor. They feel humbled when they go to a place that is obviously full of less priveleged people. I feel as if we throw around the word "humble" even when it doesn't apply. I don't think I have ever felt humbled... until recently.
I think in the back of my head, I have always felt like I am a good person. I thought that I wouldn't make any mistakes or do anything wrong. I get along with my family, I do well in school, I don't break any laws... I stay under the radar for the most part. Maybe my ego or pride in my good-ness was getting too big. Maybe I was so pleased with myself that I forgot why I need a Savior. I forgot that I sin, I have temptations, I am human. I thought that since I've done pretty well so far, I probably didn't need help. And then God decided to show me how wrong I was. It amazes me that He can show you how fragile and weak you are without leaving your side. I realized that I will never be able to earn my salvation. I am just not good enough and there is no use pretending like I'm not in desperate need for a Savior. I can do good things and try to be the best person that I can be. I can pray and love God and bring Him glory. I can serve people. But I also sin. I cannot be perfect. I will make mistakes and I probably will fall down a lot in my walk with God. I will probably get distracted and discouraged. But... that's where I need for Jesus comes in. He makes it possible for me to be forgiven and allows me to come to God.
So that is what I have been learning lately. God knocked me down and opened my eyes to my flaws and shortcomings. And I was terrified... until He picked me up, brushed me off, and pointed my gaze at Jesus. Then I will filled with awe and moved one step closer to grasping the meaning of Jesus' sacrifice. God has an amazing way of showing us that we are loved enough that He sent Jesus so that we wouldn't be separated from Him forever when we let our human side take over and we sin. Thank you, God!
Can we go old school and think about the first verse that we ever learn?
"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."
John 3:16
So simple. But we forget so often.

Number Ten

I am about to make some of you (mainly one of my best friends, Meg) sick. But I am willing to accept the consequences because, hey, its a week from Valentine's Day and I am feeling the love. I know some people despise this holiday and say it is a holiday manufactured by card companies. I don't think thats a wrong statement. But come on. A holiday in the middle of the dreariest time of the year? A holiday that results in boxes of candy, stuffed animals, flowers, or jewelry? (By the way, any of those options are acceptable to me, boyfriend.) A holiday that is represented by pink and red? Yes, please. Anyway, I am really wanting to blog about love. Not just romantic love, but about loving my friends, loving God, and loving when its hard to love. Honestly, sometimes it is really hard for me to love and to trust. When its hard to trust, its hard to love. But it's also a vicious cycle... because when you love someone a lot and you get hurt, its hard to trust. So it seems like there is two options: 1. Love and trust and expose yourself to potential pain or 2. Avoid potential pain and do not trust or love. I've gone through both scenarios... with the same person. I loved them. They hurt me. I decided to stop loving them, stop talking to them, stop giving them the opportunity to hurt me. Do you want to know how long that lasted? A week, at the most. After that, I realized that I still loved them and I wanted to love them. I didn't want to be miserable and I wanted to stop making them miserable too. So I forgave, I trusted again, I loved again. And even though I know that I am opening up myself to more hurt... it's worth it. It's so worth it. The love that I get from that person is love that I would never be able to get from anyone else.
It's an everyday process. Everyday I have to decide to trust and love. Everyday I feel a little bit of fear that I may be hurt because I am still recovering from the pain I have felt before. But everyday, I feel a little bit better. I am exposed to more and more people that prove to me that love exists. Real love. True love.